Secrets of Networking, Part 7

The seventh point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

7. Sincerity – you can make a decision to be caring, responsive, and open, and then make the effort to project and follow up on these things.

Do you think most people, according to this definition, are sincere today? Are you?

There are several good points to make. First, you can intellectually agree and decide with your mind that you want to be caring, responsive, and open.  But until those attitudes are in your heart (emotional center of values), then you will merely be hypocritical. You can pretend to project these traits and even follow up on them but unless they are part of your true self, it will only be an act.

So, how do you move a trait from agreeing that you need to change to agreeing that you want to change to actually making the change?

There are actually several methods with differing degrees of success. But the first step is to think about the statement and ask yourself if you even care about this trait. If not, you would be wasting your time to pretend about it.

If you truly value this trait, how badly do you want it? How would it impact your life? Are you willing to pay the price? If not, why bother?

If you want something bad enough, you will make the effort and eventual change.

In my opinion, most people in the United States want to be sincere. We just have and see a lot of bad apples. So, the next question is, “how are others seeing your sincerity?”

We see a lot of frauds, silver bullet speakers and easy solutions that are anything but sincere. A person who is sincerely looking out for our interests would be a breath of fresh air! What is your reputation?

Secrets of Networking, Part 6

The sixth point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

6.  Gratitude – all of us feel gratitude at one point or another. Some people market themselves by expressing this gratitude with a smile, with a few words, or with a handwritten thank you note.

This is a hidden secret. It sounds trite. That is why it is a hidden secret.

None of us can do everything by ourselves. Most of us can actually do very little without the help of others. Networking is all about others helping us and introducing us to others who can help us (as well as the reverse). We should be thankful – and express our thankfulness.

Thankfulness expressed is saying that the other person is appreciated. How many spouses go everyday without receiving any expressed appreciation? What does it cost me to say “thank you”? How can that impact our spouse, besides their falling on the floor in amazement?

I personally thank and appreciate my God for all He has done and will do. I thank and appreciate my wife for being the wonderful person she is and all that she does for me. I thank and appreciate everyone who helps me.

My response, learning from how much I appreciate others, is to help them. Everyone wins when you make a habit of expressing gratitude.

Secrets of Networking, Part 5

The fifth point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

5.  Respect – you say a lot about yourself in the way you treat other people and in the professionalism in your appearance.

I agree, with a caveat. If you practice appropriate manners, customs, and expectations then you are showing respect. If you are about helping others and not self-absorbed, then you are showing more than respect. You are showing trustworthiness, compassion, and understanding.

By appropriate, some examples are:

• You understand rules of networking, relationships, the office, and home
• You practice what is right in the environment where you are. These are different depending upon country, industry, cultural societies, and even within a department within a division within a company.
• You understand what is not right in any circumstance.

You understand that respect does not mean you sacrifice your values to show respect. It does suggest that if your values may be compromised, perhaps you should not be going there or perhaps you should move on.

If you want to help others, then you will generally be aware of how to show respect. Most of those who fall into the trap of disrespect are those whose opinion about themselves and their self interests are so high that they demand others respect them and their rights even as they disrespect and trample upon the rights of others.

Secrets of Networking, Part 4

The fourth point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

4. Demeanor – your demeanor, your ability to smile, to get along with people, to get excited and to show emotion are very important.

Again, I would not put this #4. However, it does have an impact on the first impression (10 seconds time) and your ongoing brand. It also impacts your “likeability” quotient.

When Lindsey Vonn won her downhill skiing Olympic gold medal, she cried. I don’t know about other viewers but she touched the heart of my wife and me. It seemed genuine, was appropriate and was emotionally touching.

However, there is a trap here that you should consider.

I would rather have someone with a focused and intense personality who performs rather than a “likeable” person who performs poorly. I would rather have an authentic and honest person than one who wears a mask of likeability. Your brand is who you are all the time. If you are caught being a hypocrite, you will get caught eventually. Then, your trustworthiness will be questioned.

I recommend first, be authentically who you are. Second, check out your demeanor. If there are areas of improvement (which most of us have), then seek to understand the root causes of why we are the way we are. If you are unhappy on the inside, putting a mask on the outside will eventually come back to bite you. Deal with root causes. You might need some professional help.

At the same time, check out your smile, your ability to get along with people, and your likeability. It will impact your success.

I am merely suggesting that long-term success first includes authentic trustworthiness.

Secrets of Networking, Part 3

The third point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

3.  Ethics and Honesty – people feel if they can trust you, almost everything else fades in importance. Lack of integrity is simply trading promises you make to others in exchange for personal gain.

There is a huge difference between trust and character. It ultimately depends upon your belief system as to “what is ethical and what is honesty?”  This is part of my Jobpreneurshipä 201 curriculum. The concept of trust is so important that I wrote a book on it called Trusted Relationships – The Secret to Lasting Success. You can find this book in the website section of “Resources”.

What I want to suggest here is that, assuming both parties agree on definitions, then:

• Failing to match the values required for doing business will typically cause them to stop doing business with you
• Failing to match the values required for employees will typically cause employers to fire you
• Failing to match the values required by your spouse will typically cause your spouse to leave you
• Failing to match the values you communicated to your children will typically cause them to ignore you or imitate you when they grow up.

Do I need to say more?

You may get away with dishonesty, a lack of ethics, or being self-serving for a long time – if you are good at it. But eventually it will come back to haunt you. Fully recovering from lost trust never happens. At a minimum there will be scars and impacts on others that will not go away.

For most of us, we cannot afford to be associated with those of poor character. It ultimately impacts our brand and our relationships. It can also impact us personally. So, there is a simple remedy…goodbye.

Please take a look in the mirror. If this is an area that needs improving, your ultimate success will not come until you deal with what most of us describe as a character flaw.

Next Page »